AUG 2, 2026

i am frustrated.
i have found myself to be unfortunately dependant on youtube, of all things.

I have near-entirely purged the algorithm, using a fucked-up jank as hell browser extension, yet.

somehow, i refuse to leave.

being up until 5 am is not good for me. i want too badly to be tortured, emotionally speaking.
but

i look at myself and i remember when i promised.

I'm frustrated with one of my parents.
He's a fool and i can't




fully

trust


him.

i.. think.


I'm frustrated that i am under corporate influence.
hooked, addicted to their product.

even when i have mostly drained the artifical sweetener that poisoned it so.


i also want to destroy my addiction to real candy. that much sugar is poison.

i want to eat better but eat more but i can't yet cook much of anything and actually good food is so hard to come by


i
dont want to go back.
to listening to youtube to sleep.

i want to find it in me to live the life uncontained.
i want to face Reality head-on and still stand.

but i know. i know.
i know.

the final truth i cannot bear is that i will one day die.
i am so afraid







i am

young



yet...
i don't want to go.















































so i will fight. i will live such that my very existence defies the inevitability of death.

i pledge myself...

until my final breath...

i will have hope.